Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Rogue choir boy threatens to bring down civilized society!

Dear Reader, I confess. I have been negligent. Far too much time has passed since I last hurled my verbal javelin at the brain-dead bureaucrats who infest government schools. I have had a good excuse -- with the presidential battle heating up there were other fish to fry, fish that stunk even more than the typical pencil-pushing imbeciles that run the schools.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before some bumbling Bozo in the school system would redirect my attention toward the menace that is state education. And, as usual, it was some poor student who had to suffer due to the duncical policies of the education establishment.

Christopher Berger is an 18-year-old high school student at Grayslake Central High School. Now often you will hear the phrase, “he’s no choir boy” when talking about teens. Not in Berger’s case. He really is a choir boy. This kid is so together that he really doesn’t need high school -- it probably stands in his way of getting an education. When he’s not in choir he’s an athlete at the school -- in three sports. He is a member of Future Business Leaders of America and spends some of his spare time training to be a fire fighter. In other words this is the sort of dream kid that government schools love to pretend they turn out.

In fact, they did turn him out, literally -- they threw him out. Worse yet, they sent the cops after the boy. If you look at the photo you will get an idea of the serious crime committed by this choir boy. In his hand he is holding something called a Multitool. Anything resembling a Swiss Army knife is a multitool. They are those weird devices that have tiny screw drivers, miniature scissors, itsy-bitsy pliers and the like, all crammed into one device. I’ve always assumed them to be more gadgety than useful. Apparently the dolts running Berger’s school see them as weapons of mass destruction.

Berger’s grandmother bought one for the boy’s father. The father decided to give it to the son. And the son accidentally left it in his jacket pocket at Christmas and forgot to remove it when he returned to school. He didn’t give much thought to it. The problem started when he accidentally left his jacket in the school cafeteria. School officials saw the jacket and searched it -- these guys are so vigilant they could work at the airport. And they discovered the multitool. Well, things went on high alert from that point on.

No doubt Homeland Security was put on full alert. President Bush immediately ordered plans for the invasion of Iran to be resurrected since this new threat was discovered. In some Pakistani cave Osama bin Laden shuddered with horror as his new plot to topple the Great Satan had been foiled. Yes, the world was saved at the very last minute. For this dangerous device contained, and I hope you are sitting down, a 2 inch knife.

When the jacket was traced to Berger he was promptly thrown out of school for two days. But these defenders of Western civilization weren’t satisfied. Office Ken Arnold (no doubt a direct descendent of Benedict) gave the poor kid a police citation which will require the boy to defend himself in court. What was our dangerous choir boy charged with? According to the Chicago Sun-Times “Officer Ken Arnold states that [Berger] endangered the life of other students by leaving a knife unsupervised.” Obviously Officer Ken’s mother beat him with a stupid stick -- often.

What is worse is that the clowns in the local police department are saying this happens all the time. They brag that students are frequently charged with endangering the lives of others for owning pocket knives.

If accidentally leaving an unsupervised multitool with a 2 inch blade is endangering the lives of others then the police better crack down on the local steak house! Have you seen the steak knives that they routinely just hand out to people? My god, the humanity!

Officer Ken was obviously being lenient. No mention was made of the tiny flashlight which is included with the tool. Do you have any idea how many people could be blinded by that? What if some Al Qaeda deep cover operative at the school grabbed this flashlight and rushed down to O’Hare airport. Before Homeland Security could figure out how to tie their shoes, this villain, who no doubt is a gay Mexican illegal immigrant, could have used that flashlight to blind pilots of departing aircraft In minutes dozens of planes could be crashing into buildings. Thank Jesus for Officer Ken.

Here is what gets me -- Officer Ken seems to be permanently stationed at the school. Ken “stupid stick” Arnold is the Student Resource Office at the school. It’s bad enough that these kids have to be around “educators” but no kid is safe in the same room with a cop. The idea of having one permanently stationed in a school ought to send shivers down the spine of every parent.

It’s bad enough one of them could be living down the road, without you knowing it, but allowing them near impressionable children is just going too far. I think we need an on-line registry so we can keep track of them. I do appreciate the uniforms and specially colored cars so we can spot this menace quickly. But some of them try to disguise themselves as decent citizens. That can’t be tolerated. Some even have pages at MySpace!

If you don’t think that America is in the grips of irrational panics and run by blithering fools then you aren’t paying attention.

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