Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Congressman blames internet for child gambling 30 years ago.

Washington, D.C. is infested with Congresscritters. Now some of these species are monsters. Most I suspect are just morons. Unfortunately with all the perks for the position congresscritters are not an endangered species. One reason is that it’s against the law to hunt the vermin. I suspect that absent that law there would be a lot fewer of the critters pestering people.

One perfect illustration of the moronic breed of congresscritter is Spence Bachus. He recently questioned Radley Balko of REASON magazine who testified before Congress regarding the absurd ban on internet gambling. Now when I read the remarks by Bachus I was struck by the utter and complete stupidity of them. I made two assumptions I fear. I confess I prejudged the man. I assumed he was a Republican and I suspected he was a Southern Republican. Somehow the combination of those two factors impacts on rational thought.

And I must admit to everyone that my presumptions were correct. Mr. Bachus is a Republican from Alabama. Enough said, it all falls into place now. His House website runs photos of him, and then for a clue to the Theopublicans from Alabama it also runs a picture of a church. Just the church. Nothing else. No reason for it being there other than to hint when the congresscritter’s sentiments lie.

I tried to read up on the guy. After all if you are going to show someone up as a fool you ought to investigate them. He is an attorney and a Baptist and he’s proud of all the pork he gets for his district. He brags about how much money he spends on his website. Of course it isn’t his money so why should he worry? And like a good Baptist he brags about his “long campaign” “to ban illegal internet gambling.” Okay, first clue he’s a moron. It is only illegal when you ban it. You ban legal gambling not illegal gambling. A ban means it is illegal. You would think an attorney would get something that simple.

He says the gambling industry “preys on minors and gambling addicts”. Notice all those kids in the poker tournaments and how people shot up with poker chips, shoving those chips up their veins.

Do people have gambling problems? Sure. They have eating problems and so far no moron has tried to ban food.

It was his fundamentalist fervor to ban gambling that caused Bachus to go after Balko.

Bachus apparently wanted to prove how internet gambling with adult verification systems are routinely used by children to gamble away their fortunes. He asked Balko if he had ever read the biographies of some prominent poker players listed on a gambling website. He asked specifically about the biography of Ross Boatman. Balko said he had not read that biography.

Bachus now circles in for what he assumes is the kill. Ah, ha! Doesn’t Balko know that the biography says that when Ross was ten years old that he played poker for the first time with his older brother! Hell, if the boy wanted to marry his sister at 10 plenty of good folk down in Alabama wouldn’t have a problem with that. But the boy played poker! Jesus was weeping.

Now Bachus had Balko. He then comes in for the coup de grâce. He announces: “I guess the verification system didn’t work.”

Apparently the Congressman thought that the internet age verification system failed. The problem with that theory is that this was thirty some years ago and it wasn’t over the internet. Boatman learned to play poker, not on line, but at home with his brother. He first started gambling with other school boys in games behind the school gym.

Of course the age verification system didn’t work. How could it? Balko realized he was dealing with a brain dead Theopublican. He said: “I believe that all took place well before the age of internet gambling, Congressman.” Gee, Radley, so respectful. The Congresscritter had to digest this for a minute and said: “Okay, was it?” In other words the moron didn’t have a clue. But then he comes up with what passes as a clever retort back home. He wanted to know “why it’s still on the site today.”

Now try to comprehend that for a second. This is a classic non sequitur. That this fact appears in a biography on an internet gambling site doesn’t mean that Boatman started gambling on the internet in the 1970s. I can read about the assassination of Lincoln on the net but that doesn’t mean he was killed in an on-line chat room.

But Bachus wants to know why, if he isn’t right, that the bio appears on a gambling website. It is mind numbing to watch the Theopublican in action. Logic flies out the window entirely.

Prior to this little escapade Bachus was mostly known for his claim that jokes by comedian Bill Maher were "treasonous comments". On CNN he claimed that there "is a correlation between drug dealers and gambling sites" because "the younger someone starts gambling, the more likelihood that they become a compulsive gambler." Sort like the more times a congresscritter is elected the more likely they are to be a compulsive liar. Old Spence has been elected seven times. But then his district is something like 90% Theopublican.

It’s been a while and this site has been negligent. For that I apologize. I hereby award our “Moron of the Week Award” to Congressman Spence Bachus. The runners-up are the thousands of Alabamans who voted this idiot into office.

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