Mohammed insulted by teddy bear -- wait till he reads this.

The pathetic basket case nation of Sudan has decided to file legal charges against a British woman who was teaching there. The children in her class decided to name a teddy bear and voted to call the bear Mohammed. The thugs in the Sudanese government say that is insulting to Mohammed, the con man who founded Islam. (Least you think I’m picking on Islam I have similar opinions regarding all the founders of any sect, cult or religion -- I am an equal opportunity blasphemer.)

How in the world calling a teddy bear Mohammed is supposed to be insulting is beyond me. How many of the butt wipes who were involved in 911 were named Mohammed? Surely that there are people named Mohammed, who murder others, ought to be far more insulting? That the Sudanese thugs are offended by the teddy bear and not by mass murderers tells you a lot.

How is calling a stuffed toy Mohammed insulting to the clown they call a prophet? It isn’t that anyone thought the name was meant to imply that Mohammed was a cuddly toy. No one would believe that. A pit viper most certainly, but never a cuddly toy.

Why the British even have diplomatic representation with the Sudan is something I don’t understand. Sudan is one of those countries that only wants representation with the West so they can stick out their grubby hands for donations. They contribute zilch to the world economically, culturally or socially. If the entire Sudan was to fall into a pit and disappear it could takes months before anyone realized that the big hole in the ground was substantially different from what is there now. This place is so bad an earthquake is considered renovation.

If the British government just made the Sudanese embassy officials pay for their parking tickets it would eat up half the Sudanese GDP. I don’t think Britain should invade the Sudan. That sort of thing should be left to private forces --- a Cub scout troop should do. Or maybe they should drop copies of Playboy on the Islamic centers. A few million copies would keep the holier-than-thou Muslim moralists occupied long enough for this poor woman to hike out of the country. And with the male population suffering from exhaustion, along with their right arms in slings, maybe the women would have a chance to beat the hell out of their husbands for a change.

The school teacher in this case is herself relatively innocent. She was stupid however. Anyone who goes to the Sudan is asking for trouble. It is a center of trouble in the world. It is about as screwed up a nation as possible without being Zimbabwe, North Korea or Cuba. Even Venezuela looks relatively sane compared to the Sudan and it is run by a certified lunatic. So while I feel sorry for the woman I still want to yell: “What the hell were you thinking woman! You went to the Sudan. What did you expect?”

The world apparently has a schizophrenic view of dung holes like Sudan. On the one hand we all know they are worthless hellholes that are nothing but trouble. On the other hand everyone tries to be nice to the jerks who run these places. I would cut off diplomatic recognition of these nations. I wouldn’t invade them -- I’d do something worse -- I’d take away their begging bowls. The dictators who run these places live off the foreign aid the West and the UN flushes down the toilet there. If the Sudanese thugs can’t shop at Harrods that will get them really upset. If they can’t afford the high price call girls of London they’ll have to go home and offer carrots to the goat again. And these days even the goats have limits.

The resources that are poured into Sudan from the West far outweighs any benefits derived. And it isn’t as if foreign aid actually ever helps the people who are suffering. It just helps the vampire elite who run the country. So close the embassies. Send the Sudanese officials packing for home. Ban visits from any government official of the Sudan on the basis that known criminals are not being admitted into the country. Turn off the aid faucet completely. No food aid, no financial aid, certainly no military aid. Put a hold on all Sudanese state bank accounts in the West pending investigation of rights violations. Use those resources to pay the victims of the Sudanese government for the pain and suffering they endured.

Now I have no love for Mohammed. He certainly was no more a prophet than Joe Smith, Moses or L. Ron Hubbard. And he was clearly less civilized than most prophets -- and the competition in that area is pretty steep. But, if I imagined myself a prophet, I’d be rather insulted when people act like complete assholes in my name. I would find their behaviour more insulting than having a teddy bear named after me.

I just can’t fathom the religious mind and its overwhelming need to be offended by something, usually by something innocuous. Cartoons in Denmark got these fanatics into the streets where they managed to kill each other protesting about how disgusted they were. A teddy bear has an entire government (loosely speaking) in a dither and ready to put a woman on trial.

Laugh as much as you want as the lunacy of the Islamists just remember that fundamentalist Christians in America are barely any more sane. You can still get arrested in the theopublican states of Texas and Georgia for selling a dildo. Apparently the only legitimate use for dildos in the Bible Belt is holding public office.

The religious mind is one that is fine tuned for offense. It takes very little to offend them. I’ve not given much thought to why that is. Perhaps the mind that imagines it is communicating with a deity also needs to feel that it holier than everyone else and the easiest way to feel morally superior is to find sin and offense where others do not. I suspect a good deal of this inclination is the result of a haunting fear that many religious people have about their own morality. They know what sort of wickedness they are capable of doing and simply imagine everyone else must be equally guilty or worse.

Certainly living among such people, of all faiths, has convinced me that the one place I don’t want to be is an afterlife filled with just these sorts of people. Life on earth is barely tolerable with them already, I can’t imagine the horrors of living in a place that was populated entirely by people sniffing about looking for something to offend them. One last word: if you are such a person and you got this far without being offended you clearly need a course in reading comprehension.

Photo: Because the Mullahs are deeply offended by the teddy bear named Mohammed I decided to post a photo of something they don't find offensive at all. That they don't find it offensive is all you need to know.