The gays are killing the birds!

There is so much crazy going on here I don't know where to begin. I guess the first thing you should do is watch this video and then come back for the comments. This truly is too bizarre to believe.

Now that you've watched this please, depending on your personal circumstance, either stop laughing hysterically or close your mouth and try breathing again.

People often don't believe me when I say that Christian fundamentalists are just shy of the booby hatch. This one is prime and ready, all she needs is the coat with the sleeves that tie in the back and a nice, warm, rubber room.

Yes, she is serious. Christian fundamentalists are, religiously speaking, barely out of the trees. They are islands of primitivism in a sea of modernity. They want to send missionaries to "superstitious Africa," yet look at how superstitious they are. Yes, I did see this kind of thinking in Africa. I remember the horror of watching a soccer match where a small cat wandered onto the field, only to have players from both teams surround it and start stomping it to death. The reason was simple: it was obviously a witch sent to jinx the game. That both teams were anxious to kill seems to pretty much dispel that theory, even if witches existed.

Years ago, at a Jerry Falwell rally I interviewed a woman who insisted that droughts in California were caused by gays. I asked her if that were the case, couldn't we bus homosexuals to areas with flooding to put an end to the floods. She pondered it for a second and then nodded affirmatively, telling me that this would work. Apparently we can manipulate nature by bussing gay around the country. The problem with that theory is droughts in California tend to take place in the central valley where few gay people, relatively speaking, live. And places like San Francisco seem to get their adequate level of rain year in and year out. God apparently has bad aim.

Let us discuss, briefly, the reported bird deaths. First, flocks of birds die all the time. Every year this happens. I read one scientist saying about 163 such incidents per year take place in the United States alone. Similarly there are reasons for mass deaths among fish. These are natural phenomena and have rational explanations for them. In some cases the birds got startled and flew into buildings, powers lines or hit tree branches. Hail stones can kill flocks of bird in flight. Similarly a recent mass death among fish on the East coast was attributed to particularly cold water as ocean temperatures were colder than usual.

The U.S. Geological Survey says there were 95 mass wildlife die-offs in the last eight months alone. Most the time they make the local news. But in recent weeks the media noticed them, and always on the look out for something that looks like bad news, they were anxious to report it. And soon the reports were coming in every other day, about what you would expect given the odds.

Our species evolved with a natural tendency to be on the look out for danger. Yes, evolution, is to blame. And ancestors who were overly cautious were more likely to live than risk-takers. But we aren't just out the trees wandering around the bush anymore. We live in what is really a relatively safe world. But our evolutionary tendency to be frightened of the rustle in the bush still exists. So we overly exaggerate threats and sometimes invent them entirely. Evolution acts in particular ways but what was helpful in the long distant past may just get in the way today.

Add the evolutionary tendency to be fearful to a large dose of superstitious magic and you get the lunacy you just witnessed.

Even if one granted that there is a supernatural being who is doing these things it really doesn't make sense. God is supposedly mad that gay people can be in the military so he kills birds. What sort of absurd being would do that? It doesn't make sense. God was upset about gays in California so he sent a drought to the very heterosexual eastern half of the state while continuing to let it rain in San Francisco. I know a lot of San Franciscans who wish it would rain less there.

This is really a magical view of the world. It is little different from the heathens who think making sacrifices to a tree or river makes some sort of sense.

It is a good example of how fundamentalist nutters force their view onto reality. First, this crazy woman didn't bother to look into whether this is unusual or not. Since this sort of die-off is rather natural and commonplace that would undermine her entire theory. But she didn't want to know the facts so she didn't check. Next, look at the tortured logic.

The one die-off took place in Beebe, Arkansas. The current governor is named Beebe. A former government, Bill Clinton, instituted Don't Ask, Don't Tell. DADT was recently repealed (sort of). Therefore it must be God killing birds because repealing DADT is unbiblical. Apparently there is a verse that says: "Thou shalt not allow gay people to defend the country."

Fundamentalist needs an enemy. It is a religion based on terror and fear. Burn in hell, gays will get your kids, the apocalypse is coming.... it is all based on fear. Scare the shit out of the ignorant superstitious among us and they will flock to Jesus to be saved. It works with people with limited intelligence. But once you know why things happen they lose the mystery. And without mystery it is harder to spiritually terrorize people. So spiritual terrorists conjure up curses, plagues, demons, and scapegoats. And gays used to make such a good scapegoat, because so few people knew anyone gay. But with gays coming out of the closet that sort of terrorism doesn't work very well any more. And that is one reason they want to force gays back into the closet.

But I got news for them. It ain't gonna happen. And the more they publicly talk in the manner of this woman the less credibility they have. And, dare I note, that there is a major die-off coming: it is the die-off among fundamentalist Christians in America. In conclusion I would prefer to allow Jack Nicholson to put in the last word, for Cindy Jacobs and the rest of her kind.