Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The kinkiest towns in America: they love Bush!

There is a legal case that interested me. A lawyer is arguing that his clients, who sells porn, did not violate community standards -- that legal whisp of smoke that the courts imposed which is impossible to define. His claim is that google searches showed that community members in that area of the country were keenly interested in sex. He used the “trends” function to determine this.

That basically measures what terms people search for and where those people are. For instance, you can type in “roses” and find out that the number one city in the world where people, who search for this word, live, is Buenos Aires, Argentina. I can refine it to tell me the city in America that has the most interest in “roses” and see that it Portland, Or. it will let me know which states have the most interest in the term

And that lead to some wicked thoughts on my part. Given this debate about marriage equality and sexual morality exactly how do the various regions of the US line up. Are “liberal” areas more “perverse” than God-fearing conservative regions? So here is what I found.

I thought I’d check up on who is looking up “wife swapping”. In first place is Cincinnati, followed by Louisville, Norfolk, Indianapolis and Kansas City. In fact out of the top 10 cities eight are relatively conservative areas. Interesting.

For “girls gone wild” the number one city for google searches is Kansas City, followed by Salt Lake City, Louisville, Oklahoma City and Elmhurst, Illinois. Go Elmhurst!

The search term “anal sex” seems to pop up, pardon the pun, most often in Meriden, CT. That is followed by Elmhurst, again; Louisville, Tampa and Rochester, NY. In the top ten we also have Orlando, San Antonio, Las Vegas, Newark and Richardson, TX.

Considering the reputation that San Francisco has regarding sexual tolerance I kept waiting for the city to show up in the list. Desperate to get them into the list once I tried a search on “homosexuality”. Surely as the gay capital of the United States they would have to come out on top -- that pun was unintentional but I’ll leave it in anyway. But no, San Francisco didn’t even fall in the top ten. The top search location for “homosexuality” was Louisville. Maybe its that Kentucky whiskey but Louisville seems to turn up fairly often. It is followed by Baltimore, Columbus, OH; and Cincinnati.

Next I tried “masturbation” -- the search term that is. And our number one city was Elmhurst again. Considering they scored highly with “girls gone wild” and “anal sex” I wouldn’t have thought they’d have time for masturbation. But it appears the people of Elmhurst are proper wankers. Coming in a close second (oh stop it with the puns already) were Salt Lake City; Rochester, NY; St. Louis, and Louisville.

Moving to the fringes of sexuality I put in a search on “animal sex”. The dubious distinction of coming in first in that search goes to Orlando. It is followed by Richardson, TX, Tampa, Newark and Reston, Virginia. Two more cities in Texas come in the top ten.

Who is searching for “kiddie porn”? The number one city was Orlando followed by Albany, Oklahoma City, Tampa, and Cincinnati. Salt Lake City is in the top ten also.

When it comes to “oral sex” our winner, yet again, is the kinky town of Elmhurst with Louisville in second followed by Tampa, Rochester and Philadelphia.

Searching on “teen ass” is another interesting result. As expected the hyper horny people in Elmhurst came first, following by Richardson, TX; Louisville, San Antonio and Portland.

“Dog sex” is searched for most often in Oklahoma City, Louisville, Richardson, TX, Orlando and Indianapolis.

“Mother son sex” is number one in Elmhurst followed by Reston, VA; Richardson, TX, Newark, NJ and Louisville. The folks in Elmhurst also came in first with “brother sister sex” followed by Rochester, Kansas City, Salt Lake City and St. Louis.

It seems that what ever sexual term, no matter how kinky, that I put in turns up a very high percentage of very conservative towns. So what happens when I try searches that are more chaste and virtuous.

The term “fidelity” shows up number in Boston followed by nearby Cambridge, then Oklahoma City, San Antonio and Providence, RI. That's the first time we got more liberal towns in the top five than conservative towns.

“Wedding” came up number one in Charlotte followed by St. Louis, Chicago, New York, and Philadelphia. Also in the top ten are Boston and Minneapolis. Again a much higher representation of liberal towns than before.

“Monogamy” was number in Pleasanton, CA, a town in the Bay Area. Also in the top ten were the liberal Texas town of Austin, Portland, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, and Boston.

Goodness, it appears the liberal towns are searching for monogamy and the conservative town are searching for the index from the latest Hustler. Interesting to say the least. Based on this sampling I’d say the three kinkiest towns in America, in no special order, are Elmhurst, IL; Richardson, TX: and Louisville, KY.

How does this sort of thing work when it comes to the entire world? Are sexually conservative countries more prone to sexual obsession than liberal countries? Here are some of those results. For the sake of brevity I will list the search term and then the top five cities in the world, in order, where it comes to the percentage looking for the term.

Boy sex: Delhi, India; Riyadh, Saudi Arabia; Chennai, India; Cairo, Egypt; and Jakarta, Indonesia.

Anal sex: Prague; Izmir, Turkey; Ankara, Turkey, Irvine, CA, USA; Montreal, Canada.

Brother sister sex: Lahore, Pakistan; Karachi, Pakistan; Delhi, India; Chennai, India, Hyderabad, India.

Animal sex: Delhi, India; Chennai, India; Rabat, Morocco; Casablanca, Morocco; Mumbai, India.

It does appear that sexual conservative values on the ground do stimulate a higher degree of interest in the practices than does social liberalism.

Labels: , ,