Cops invent super Prostitute and then raid local newspaper.

Here’s a little story that was brought to my attention. Police in Orlando, Florida claim “a typical prostitute that’s HIV-positive could potentially infect more than 18,000 people a year.” [Please note that this absurd story has turned ugly as police arrest people for working at a local newspaper accepting classified ads. Details below -- but the humor that was intended here turned very serious because of morons with power.]

Wow. SuperProsti really would have to go at it in order to accomplish this. Consider what this would require for a moment.

First, every client would need to have intercourse since a hand job or oral sex are rather inefficient at spreading HIV to men. Next, let us assume that every client is also having unprotected intercourse. So you must have the usual situation where every single client wants unprotected vaginal intercourse. And spreading HIV to men this way is still not particularly effective but let us assume that all the clients want unprotected vaginal sex and the infection rate is 100%.

I don’t know what sort of hours prostitutes work but let us assume they are on duty 12 hours per day six days per week for 52 weeks per year. We will assume they don’t have sick days and are never in jail because the police are "protecting" us from hookers who drag us off the streets and force men to have sex with them. With only one day off per week, working 12 hours non-stop per day the prostitute would work for 3,744 hours per year. To have 18,000 customers, let alone infect all 18,000, she would have to have one client every 12 minutes. This assumes she doesn’t eat lunch or ever use the ladies room.

The reality is that not every client will have intercourse. Some want oral sex or just a helping hand. Certainly my impression has been that these two sexual activities are not uncommon between prostitutes and their clients. So let us estimate that 75% of the customer have intercourse. I suspect that estimate is high but I’m not sure where to find the data on this sort of thing. If one-fourth of the clients are having no-risk or very low-risk sex they aren’t likely to be infected. To infect 18,000 clients per year, as the oh-so-honest police officers contend, that means the 18,000 represent only 75% of all clients thus the total number of clients is 24,000 per year. At this point SuperProsti would have a different client approximately every nine minutes, 12 hours per day flat out, six days per week,, 52 weeks per year.

It is much easier for an HIV+ male to infect a woman than the other way around since infected fluids tend to be transferred from men to women and not the reverse. And I did find some numbers for the risk of contracting HIV, for a male, from an infected woman through unprotected intercourse. The odds of any one episode of intercourse infecting the male participant is approximate 1 in 1,000.

To infect 18,000 clients per year SuperProsti would need to have unprotected vaginal sex with 18,000,000 clients. Let’s be generous and assume that the typical HIV+ prostitute is far more infectious than other infected women, which is highly dubious. Even with a infection rate that is twice the normal rate she would still need around 9 million clients to infect 18,000.

Of course this requires that not one of them use a condom. I don’t know what percentage of men use condoms with prostitutes. but even if it is one in five that substantially increases the number of clients SuperProsti needs in order to achieve this fantastic police claim.

But let’s make it easy. Let us assume the prostitute only has vaginal sex with men, no other form. In addition not one client uses condoms, not one. And let us assume an infection rate that is double that for most unprotected vaginal sex with an HIV+ woman. That leaves us with the 9 million clients per year. So clearly the typical prostitute would need to put in more work hours. Now let's pretend she works 365 days per year. She doesn’t even take Christmas off. That brings her client load down to just 24,567 customers per day.

And with vitamins let us assume she is working 24 hours per day straight through the year. We also must assume no time to eat, no time for the toilet, no sleep, and no time looking for clients. She is now handling 1,027 clients per hour. This also works out to 17 clients per minute or a new client every 3.5 seconds. And it would be important that she not have repeat clients if she is to accomplish the target the police have set for her.

This makes me wonder what her income would be. I don’t know what they get for such things. I would doubt its $10. I went and checked the ads in the Orlando Weekly, the publication the police singled out for running these ads, and only one of them mentioned a rate and it was $150 for an “out call”. Well, clearly with 9 million customers the “typical” Orlando hooker doesn’t have time for “out calls” she is strictly in-house services only. But most the ads say “out calls only”. Let’s assume the “in house” is $50 cheaper. That would means $100 per client.

If the Orlando police are telling the truth, also a very dubious claim, this would mean the typical hooker in Orlando is taking in around $900 million per year without paying taxes -- but then with 24,000 clients per day who has time to file IRS forms! Apparently a typical Orlando hooker has an annual income somewhere in the range of Uganda. With 14 minutes worth of income she could buy Zimbabwe -- though I can't think of why anyone would want it now. Even presidential candidates sell themselves for less than this, just ask Hillary.

Think of it -- 9 million customers. Disney World only manages 27 million. And you thought all those cheap excursions to Orlando were for the theme parks, didn’t you? Disney World manages only 27 million visitors and they have lots of rides. SuperProsti charges about 50% more for admission, has only one ride and apparently the whole thing lasts 3.5 seconds. With that sort of earnings potential she ought to be listed on the stock exchange.

Either the prostitutes of Orlando have incredible stamina, and the males of Orlando are literally lined up waiting, or the police have exaggerated, just a wee bit. Not that they would ever do that. I’m sure that the $600 trillion dollar drug busts that the police seem to have every couple of days are absolutely accurate. And police officers never lie.

The Magic Kingdom in Orlando, indeed it is. Indeed it is.

P.S. There is one fact which makes it obvious that the Orlando cops are lying with this statistic no matter how you try to defend the bogus number. It doesn't matter if you are saying the prostitute infects a man who infects a dozen women. The 18,000 per year figure is still blatantly and obviously bullshit. How do I know? Because it would mean that two hookers in Orlando are responsible for almost all the HIV infections per year in the United States. The total number of new infections per year, for the entire United States is 40,000.

Update: The story is no longer a funny one about mad cops on a power trip inventing phony statistics to justify their Puritanical obsessions. And it’s especially bad if you happen to believe in the First Amendment.

Three employees from Orlando Weekly were arrested by the police because they work in the advertising department. Police have charged them with making money from the proceedings of prostitution because police claim prostitutes bought ads from the paper! I think these cops should be on rafts heading for Cuba -- they'd really feel at home there.

Consider what this means. If accepting a newspaper ad from someone the cops claim is a prostitute means you are earning money from prostitution, which ought not be a crime either, then wouldn’t it be a criminal offense to be the landlord of the prostitute? Should the grocery store owner be arrested since a prostitute might spend money there? If a prostitute rides in a taxi is the taxi driver making money off of prostitution? How about public transit? I like that one -- maybe we can arrest the city council members for living off of prostitutes. And since prostitutes pay taxes, and since cops are paid with that money, the morons in the Orlando police department are living off the proceeds of prostitution. Lock them all up! And the sooner the better.

Police had previously ordered the publication, a legally dubious action, to stop taking ads from specific people. Apparently they didn’t hear of something called the First Amendment. The Orlando police need to get slapped down and slapped down hard. Cops spent two years going after hookers. And it shows. According to the Orlando Sentinel the city, while police where chasing SuperProsti, had the highest murder rate in Florida. Rapes are dramatically up and so is arson. And the police are spending time and money arresting people who work in the classified ad department of a local newspaper. Last year was Orlando’s deadliest year in history but the police sure have their priorities right and to justify their actions they just invent lies. You would think that that would be bad enough but they are so utterly stupid that they can't even invent claims that are plausible. They concoct such fantastic claims as to reveal how stupid they really are. Next thing the Orlando cops will be claiming they found Saddam's weapons of mass destruction.

Photo: Orlando police chief, Mickey Mouse, interrogates child in sting operation to prevent prostitution by intimidating potential customers decades before the crime takes place. Chief Mouse claims each "intervention" will prevent 43,783 crimes saving taxpayers $938,284,005.43.