More from the Dark Ages

A few days ago I commented about the fundamentalist loon in Maine who wrote that the cool, wet summer they have had was due to the state allowing gay couples to marry. Consider this the sequel.

This loon, like the last, is also a fundamentalist Christian minister, credentials which indicate voluntary lobotomy—all the critical faculties of the brain have been shut down intentionally. Our most recent loon is Rev. Jon Piper of the Bethlehem Baptist Church of Minneapolis.

A very minor tornado, so minor it barely qualifies as a tornado, touched down in Minneapolis yesterday. It hit various places in the town. But, one place that had some minor damage was the local convention center where the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America was holding a convention. At this convention the ECLA was discussing their view on the rights of gay people. So, of course, that means God sent the tornado to warn the Lutherans against the sin of tolerance.

Piper quotes an unnamed friend who reported:

On a day when no severe weather was predicted or expected...a tornado forms, baffling the weather experts—most saying they’ve never seen anything like it. It happens right in the city. The city: Minneapolis. The tornado happens on a Wednesday...during the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America's national convention in the Minneapolis Convention Center. The convention is using Central Lutheran across the street as its church. The church has set up tents around it’s building for this purpose.

A few problems with the report are obvious. Take how the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported the story: "It was a tornado after all that hit Minneapolis, but it was a weak enough one that 19 minutes elapsed before the first warning sirens were sounded..." In fact two tornadoes hit different parts of town and four hit the entire state. Of the two in Minneapolis: "The Weather Service gave both tornadoes its lowest strength rating, EFO, noting winds ranged from 70 to 85 miles per hour."

So, the Baptist loons are reporting it as a severe tornado that came up unexpectedly while the Weather Service and local newspaper seems to think it was barely strong enough to be a tornado and part of a weather pattern in various parts of the state, thus not unusual.

The Baptist loons are convinced that reason the convention center, and a neighboring Lutheran Church, were hit was because Lutherans were considering a more liberal approach to gay people. As Rev. Piper wrote:

The tornado in Minneapolis was a gentle but firm warning to the ELCA and all of us: Turn from the approval of sin. Turn from the promotion of behaviors that lead to destruction. Reaffirm the great Lutheran heritage of allegiance to the truth and authority of Scripture. Turn back from distorting the grace of God into sensuality. Rejoice in the pardon of the cross of Christ and its power to transform left and right wing sinners.

If God was punishing Lutherans for the sin of tolerance then why the other three tornadoes? One of those hit a middle school—obviously the school was a center of sin and sodomy. There was very little damage at the Lutheran's event, just a broken cross on the steeple of the church really. But at the school "the roof caved in." Three families had so much damage to their homes that they can't stay in them and the Red Cross was helping them. So, clearly those families were extremely bad sinners who upset Jesus. A music and gift shop was also damaged—clearly they sold ungodly music.

This whole idea that the God of the Baptist loons is out there sending tornadoes to punish people for not hating gays enough is fascinating. I wonder though, about the following incidents.

Yesterday God sent a tornado that destroyed the Williamsville Christian Church in Illinois. Earlier this year he destroyed the Ardmore Adventist Academy, a Christian school, in Oklahoma. In Mississippi he had a tornado flatten the Corinth Baptist Church. St. Matthew Catholic Church was visited by the angry deity in March when he used a tornado to destroy the parish hall. God also blew down the Wichita Community Church in Anadarko, Oklahoma in May.

And apparently God sends hurricanes through the Bible-belt at an amazing pace. Every year he knocks down congregations throughout the South. Tornadoes don't seem to hit the secular New England states that often however.

Maybe God wasn't attacking the Lutherans for liking gays. Maybe he really is Jewish (or Muslim, or whatever) and simply doesn't like Christians. He sure does destroy a lot of their sanctuaries every year. Or maybe, just maybe, shit happens, bad weather happens, there is no plan, there is no punishment, just random bad things that are part of nature. But that's too rational for the believers, isn't it?

Photo: The loon himself, Rev. John Piper counting down the time to the next Godly tornado sent to destroy someone.