Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What passes as obscene in Arkansas.

Elton John and spouse, David Furnish recently had a child using a surrogate. US magazine ran this cover of the couple and the baby.

In Arkansas, a small state located between Mississippi and the 4th Century, a local grocery store got complaints that the cover was offensive to the good Christian folks that inhabit the thriving metropolis of Mountain Home, where men are men and their sisters are nervous.

Harps grocery store decided that since some good Christians were unhappy they had to take immediate action. This is what they did.

The "Family Shield" says it is there to "protect young shoppers." I'd bet a doughnut that no "young" shoppers actually complained. Of course, in Mountain Home, the median age is 53 and 36% of the population is over 65, so young is relative there. The town, which has a population of just over 12,000, has 15 churches, 10 of which appear to be fundamentalist.

A spokesman for the grocery store said they put the "Family Shield" up because of complaints. Asked if they would have done the same regarding a complaint about a straight couple and their child the spokesman lost his voice after saying, "no comment." After that all journalists calling for information received a curt "no comment" and phones were hung up on them.

Our man-on-the-street interviews (notice to the humorously challenged, satire to follow) got the pulse of the town. We interviewed Darryl Dungswamp and Cheryll Dungswamp. Since this was a "Family Shield" we asked them if they were a family.

Darryl: "Well, we is married if that's what's yer asking. But Cheryll here is a liberated woman and used her maiden name."

Us: (Not to be confused with the obscene magazine) "Okay, but didn't you say Cheryll's last name is Dungwamp as well."

Darryl: "That's right. Her maiden name is Dungswamp, just like mine."

Us: "Isn't that confusing?"

Darryl: "Round these parts it is. You could just call her Cousin Cherryl, I do."

Us: "What do you think of the controversy about the magazine cover at Harps."

Cherryl: "I knew it would only be a matter of time before godlessness would creep in to the city. Let in filth like magazines and pretty soon they'd be perversion all over the place. Right Counsin Darryl?"

Darryl: "You's said it Cherryl. It all started when the library went out and added books to the shelves. Reading ain't natural, you have to recruit kids into doing it. If God intended us to read we wouldn't have to be taught how to do it."

Us; "So, is it true that you required black folks to ride at the back of the bus."

Darryl: "Course not! We''s enlightened. What's a bus?"

Cherryl: "What's a black folk?"

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